Seeing

Seeing

I'm not talking about one of the five senses. I'm talking about Oracular Sight...

Seer's Vision....

Everybody's life is chaotic nowadays that it would seem great to be able to Unfog the Future or tap into knowledge you usually won't get to know by yourself... without people telling you... Life would be simpler wouldn't it?

I don't know about that, though... You would think that you would always know what to do. But that's the thing, it wouldn't matter what you do would it? I mean, since you've seen what's going to happen... it's bound to happen... and it does not even matter shits, what you do... right or wrong... It'll matter not! It all would be preordained by some Divine Being!

It will be a Heavenly Joke!

Now... Would you call that actually having control over your Life!

It is terrifying to know that you cannot even determine what happens in your life. You cannot change things... They would happen...

And let us not forget the obligations (to yourself and others) that come with knowing these Damned Knowledge... Uncle Ben's lines to Peter says it all:

With great power comes great responsibility...

I don't know about people, but I wouldn't want to feel obligated to do anything...

Many seek help from psychics (in their many proteus-like forms... some true...mostly fakes) but if I were them... I'll never want to feel that vulnerable... EVER!!

Many of you would think that this entry is sort of sudden or weird. It's just the White Rabbit's preoccupation with time... Tick! Tock! Tick!Tock!...

PAST...

PRESENT...

FUTURE...

I See My Hell

I See My Hell

In Hell I reside

Near my Damned Being
Everyone screams (pleas?) for
Eternal Salvation. Hoping their finest
Dreams Will come true...

How I tried (So Hard) to help
Everyone in need... Answering their
Laments... Then it struck me... I'm in this Hades too!
Pleading within me, (I finally hear it) a voice whispering...

Black Dahlia Wannabe

Black Dahlia Wannabe

Okay... Every living person around me seems to be able to find at least one thing pleasant about their lives. And despite all their pain, they are able to be happy and simply... Smile.

Oh! How I yearn to have that skill... to be able to see the mythical microscopic silver lining on the perpetually grey storm cloud. How pathetic! Urgh! I mean, even Black Dahlia was able to literally smile from ear to ear after being murdered in the most barbaric nature.

I Want To Even Be Able To Laugh With Jubilation In Hell!

maybe only then can I truly be happy

This little Rabbit merely wants to smile with the greatest sincerity and not just do so as a pantomimic facade.

"Smile Though Your Heart Is Aching...

Smile Even Though It's Breaking..."

Okay... Okay... I'll Freaking Try It!

but just remember... I don't do those corny smilies!

Goodnight Folks!

Frigid Heart

Frigid Heart

I've never felt so alone in my entire life. (I'm sure you can tell by this line that this is going to be another pathetic entry, right?) I feel isolated, yet I don't know why? I've got so many supportive people around me.... yet my palpitating heart feels so empty. I was just at the library... alone... the silence mocks me further.

Everyone asks me if I'm fine and all... but those words seem worthless. It's not because their words of comfort are shallow or anything. They may be filled with sincerity and kindness the moment they left the speakers' mouths but when it reaches my heart, it's empty... It's like fetching water home from a source, with only your hands. By the time you reach home, there's nothing left in your palms.

I'm just too freaking sensitive.

It's just that I've opened up to alot more people this year. I bared my heart (flesh, blood and all) and like a Voodoo Doll, it gets pierced again and again by people. Don't get me wrong, it is not their fault! It's just that I've kept this organ of mine behind a shield, that once exposed, will be very vulnerable. I should have immunised it instead of protecting it. ( but I just want my heart to be embraced by... Compassion? Love? Empathy? they seem to be rather foreign to me that I myself am unsure.)

I'm so freaking weak and sensitive!

I feel all alone and still without its reason... sometimes I just wish that the right person... at the right time... at the right place... would do or say the right things... and even in the right way... and all will be so much better. People might call it a dream. but to me this dream is worth much more than my reality...

(a Reality I don't wish to be Real.)

I'll still try to learn to trust people more... and maybe one day, I can see the world in less cynical light. I'll continue to bare my Frigid Heart.

P.S. I wish to thank everyone who stayed with me even though I am a pathetic bastard. Thank You.

Smile

Smile

Okay... I know my blog has been filled with an endless supply Self-Glorifying Pathos. Even Edgar Allan Poe would have been disgusted reading this melancholic shit. I know how annoying this is to those who actually bother reading this.... I'm so sorry.

I do wish to be Happy!

Shallow as it sounds, I do....

But being able to see vividly the harsh side of this world,

this dream seems impossible.

a sinner dreaming of heaven.....

I'VE BECOME A CYNICAL BASTARD!

I've seen people suffer...
I feel their every wound...
Like an Empath!
Scoff and Laugh if you want!
Even I find it ridiculous.

Then there is my own pain... what pain, the White Rabbit asks himself... we do not have that luxury... hehehe... no, not us, deary... we are not significant enough... (*giggles*)... ooh... look at the time... I'm late... I'm late... I'm late....

I know... maybe I'll continue to don that Smiling Pantomime Mask!

The Joker's grin on my face I'll Carve and Tear,

from ear to ear,

Like Black Dahlia, My Dear!

That is my life, I fear!

P.S. The White Rabbit apologises again for these arrogant words...

Lock It Up

Lock It Up

I've always told people to talk about their problem... telling them that this simple act will achieve miraculous results. Oh! I'm such a freaking hypocrite. I don't practise what I religiously preach.

It's not that I'm scared to tell people my inner agony... maybe a little... ok, alot. It's just that I feel that it is selfish for me to burden others with my insignificant troubles. They have far greater issues to conquer. On top of that it will be arrogant for me to think that they must sit through all my complaints about how pathetic my life is! It is my Piscean duty to help others but things do not (CANNOT!) work the other way. It's a question of who needs help more. Never me... haha! Pathetic huh?

The White Rabbit Lives to Serve!

He Has No Rights!

A wise person told me today that we have to talk about our problems to ensure that we do not get deluded! It's true! But I'd rather be a deluded bastard than a selfish and arrogant bitch.


Maybe... maybe I am scared to lose people when they find out about what is behind this White Fur. What if they do find me arrogant to expect that they will listen to my ramblings? THIS BLOG IS ARROGANT! I don't wish to lose people.

So I Keep My Agony Locked Up!

At All Times!

though secretly it hurts unlike anything else... oh god... it hurts...

"Deep In My Heart I'm Concealing...

Things That I'm Longing To Say...

Scared To Confess What I'm Feeling...

Frightened You'll Slip Away..."

~Evita

The Void

The Void

As I sit here typing this nonsensical crap, the feeling is still there. That emptiness... I have no idea why I feel this way but I do...

There's like a Void within my seemingly palpitating heart.

(Because there's no Choir? I don't know.)

It's as if I have no purpose anymore.

I'm no use to anyone anymore.

No one depends on me anymore.

They move on, while I cling on!

Pathetic Little Me!

A used stuffed Rabbit....

Every now and then that
Blasted Blood Pumping Organ
would pinch itself,
crush itself...
My misery and emptiness are its catalysts!
Then the damned salt water will start carving paths down my horrid visage.
Ugh! I'm so ashamed!

That Void continues to engulf me.

I feel insignificant....

worthless...

pathetic...

" Just Give Me a Number...

Instead Of My Name...

Forget All About Me...

And Let Me Decay"

~ Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat

The Pariah Oracle

The Pariah Oracle

I've said this before... I see things in a far different light than others... The Piscean Pariah's view... almost like a delusioned Fishy Oracle.

The thing is, I've got no Life. So I enjoy studying humans, Homo Sapiens! I used to think that it will be useful in whatever life I've actually got... left. I believed that I could help other Poor Unfortunate Souls... sort of like misunderstood the Sea Witch.

Lately I was proven wrong.

I know sometimes we have to Hurt to Heal!

But the things I know can destroy lives!

Should I keep it from people... protect them from the truth... let them hate me afterwards when things do not turn out as they planned... thinking I didn't warn them.... hating me for it...

Or should I save myself from the mortal agony of keeping secrets... and cruelly inform them of the painful truth of their seemingly perfect lives... knowing that they'll resent me for crushing their currently perfect image of their existence... for merely splatting the truth into their faces without serving them any solutions... some might even think that I'm butting into their lives...

And I don't Blame them!

I do not want to lose people this way...

though, I know that either ways, I might...

Call me paranoid! I don't care... not anymore at least...haha!

I know things others may not or cannot comprehend because I live a life of an outcast.

But am I a Oracle or Bloody Busy Body...

Oh!!!!

All that Blood of the innocents!

Drip! Drip! Drip! Drip! Drip!

A Bleached Rodent's Life

A Bleached Rodent's Life

I feel like I'm living the White Rabbit's Life! Ahh! Time seems to be moving erratically... sometimes agonisingly slow... sometimes horridly fast... Tutorials... Rehearsals... Lectures... Practices... School... Panorama... Esplanade... Monday... Wednesday... Saturday... Monday... Teusday... Thursday... Friday... Sunday... Teusday...

Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!

Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock! Tick!

Tock! Tick! Tock! Tick!

Tock! Tick! Tock!

Tick! Tock!

Shit! I think my Watch is SPOILT!

And around me... things seem more twisted than even Alyss' Wonderland! People with problems and issues that I dont have the capacity to aid... Yet they cry... Justice herself is in misery! Like that Blasted Bunny, I can only watch... and sometimes assist...

Ugh!!! I'm a Damned Bleached Rodent!

Exorcised

Exorcised

The Rabbit says:

Time was my Holy Water

Silence was my Prayer

Distance was my Exorcist

I've suppressed that Demon. That ugly creature is still within me...waiting to come out again...In my body it Hydes, still. I fear it. I want it to never manifest again. I own Jekyll's fear. I'm Not Free But Fine.

I never want to hurt you with my capacity to wound others.

To the Resident of our Hundred Acre Woods:
I'm so very Sorry.

I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry.