Sunday, December 31, 2006

Rain, Rain

Rain, Rain

Rain, Rain don't go away.
Cleanse my realm this very day.
I've tried to love, to laugh, to play
But I just can never find a way
To smile.

Rain, Rain come away
With me. Please drown and wash away
My pain. With my soul I'll pay
Your fee. So go and take away
My heart.

Rain, Rain send floods. I pray
That you'll remain with me and stay
To crush my hopes. I'll drift away,
A floating corpse. So then I may
Live again.

Rain, Rain come away
With me.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Recipe For Pain Stew

Recipe For Pain Stew

Ingredients:

1 drop of self worth
4 gallons of tears
1 broken heart
Isolation

Garnishes:

1 fake smile
1 cheerful voice
Gesticulation

Method:

First, drop a tiny drop of self worth into the pot. Only a tiny drop is needed, almost insignificant. You can choose to not use any at all. Then, let it sizzle and reduce for a few minutes.

Add 4 gallons, yes, 4 gallons, of tears. No salt required. This is healthier. Then, bring it to a boil.

Next, add a broken heart. Make sure it is diced into a million pieces. Stir for 15 minutes until they throb with pain.

Then, add a generous dash of isolation. Continue stirring the stew for another half an hour.

Garnish with a fake smile, a cheerful voice and a generous sprinkle of gesticulation. Remember to use the genuine garnishes that would last and none of those cheap ones that will lose their effect and colour very easily. I think you know what I mean.

And your Pain Stew is now ready to last you an entire night. Enjoy!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

If I Were A Painting

I heard this song by Kenny Rogers a while back. Its words are beautiful. The Art and Painting imageries and references are wonderful and apt... I found it interesting how it uses many aspects of painting yet they all can tell different parts of the story and still be linked. Okay... I've said enough... Here's the lyrics... You all should listen to the song...


If I Were A Painting

If I were a painting
Captured on canvas
Alone in the portrait I would stand
And brush strokes bold
Yet soft as a whisper
The work of a feminine hand.

Caught in a still life
Surrounded by shadows
And lost in a background of blue
If I were a painting
My price would be pain
And the artist would have to be you.

I imagine the colours
Would all run together
If you ever allowed me to cry
So don't paint the tears
Just let me remember me
Without you in my eyes.

It's only the frame
That holds me together
Or else I would be falling apart
If I were a painting
I wouldn't feel
And you wouldn't be breaking my heart...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A Letter To Self

Just a little play called...

A Letter To Self

(The stage is pitch black and smoky. It feels cold and almost ominous. Nothing seems to exist on the stage until a lone figure steps into the foreground. The lone figure speaks)

Lone Figure:

Dear Self,
Life is Splendid now! It's beyond marvelous! Miraculous in every nature! Not once has the Plague of Loneliness afflicted me.
(While he says these words, he hugs himself as if to keep himself from freezing in utter coldness. he stands alone in the darkness)

Lone Figure:

Oh! And I found Love! Love and Be Loved in Return as they say in those movies! My heart remains warm... No! It burns with passion!
(While he says these words, he removes a heart from his breast pocket. It was cracked and broken. He squeezes it tighter and it crumbles to a million pieces)

Lone Figure:

So Don't You Dare Worry About Me! I'm as perfect as perfect as perfect as perfect as perfect can be! Haha! Tears shall not flow from these eyes... Ever!
(As he says these words, tears scoured their paths down his ghostly visage. He took out a penknife from his pocket and gently rests its blade on his wrist. He looks up for his last words.)

Lone Figure:

Here, I end my letter to you, Self.

Yours truly,
Me.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Step-Sisters

This is another short story I wrote, inspired by Angela Carter's writing and how she beautifully warps fairytales. This story is slightly longer than the previous one so do bear with it and enjoy...

Step-Sisters

Once there lived a daughter of baron. She had a cruel mother who never loved her. Not once. Never. One day, the girl's mother dropped dead after accidentally and stupidly consuming the poison she had prepared for her daughter. It took them, both father and daughter, only a day to move on; a few minutes of mourning sufficed and the rest of the day was spent preparing and conducting the woman's funeral.

The next day, the baron married another to replace the dead wife.

The baron married a widow, a baroness, who had a daughter herself. The baroness' daughter was about the same age as the baron's. However one thing differed. The baroness' daughter was beautiful while the baron's was, well, ugly.

Despite everything, the girls grew to love one another like sisters should. The beautiful sister grew to love her step-father like her own father. The ugly sister grew to love her step-mother like her own mother, though not like her late mother, if you know what I mean. Everything was as perfect as perfect should be. It would be wonderful to end the tale here, but this was merely the beginning.

One fine day, a count and his family moved into town. The count had a son, a handsome youth, who was lonely and in need of, shall we say, companionship. So the daughters of the baron and the baroness made it their duty to be his friends and to show him around.

Soon, as expected, the count's son fell head over heals for the beautiful sister. They, of course, became quite an item. And the ugly sister, well, she could only watch in envy. She was happy for her beautiful sister. And she was happy for the youth. However, she wasn't happy for herself. She merely watched them being in love, like an ugly nightingale watching two white doves in their coy mating rituals. She watched silently.

Yet perfection always had bumps and flaws. The ideal couple soon had a major argument, like all couples do. And like all arguments of young couples, the source was never certain. Yet it was enough to do some serious damage. The beautiful sister vowed to never speak to the count's son ever again.

With no one else to turn to, he asked the ugly sister for help. He told her the every pain of his shattered heart. She listened, slowly falling for him. Sympathy always has a way of evolving to something more. And so she listened.

Can you persuade your beautiful sister to meet me tomorrow night, he asked the ugly sister. If she refuses, I'll kill myself, he added.

Like that would change my sister's mind, she thought to herself. I can't promise anything, she replied. But I shall try.

He thanked her, and then he left.

That night, she tried persuading her sister. I refuse to meet him, the beautiful sister said.

But he might kill himself, said ugly sister.

No. He can die for all I care, that son of a bitch, yelled the beautiful sister.

Afraid that the count's son meant exactly what he said, that his life meant little to him now, the ugly sister decided to seek help from a peculiar source.

At the break of dawn, the desperate girl went in search of the hag people often spoke about in whispers. Some called her a witch, others, the daughter and servant of Satan himself; though the old woman herself preferred the term, "herbal entrepreneur" for it sounded nicer. But everyone else agreed that she was not good, not good at all and that it was better to stay away from her. Yet, every now and then, a helpless soul would wander in search of her hut, in search of help.

The ugly sister knocked on the old woman's door. Who is it, a croaky voice asked from within the hut.

I am just a girl and I need help, replied the ugly sister.

Doesn't everyone, sighed the voice sarcastically. Come in, the door's unlocked. And so the girl, with just enough courage, entered.

The hut was unique, to put it nicely. Amulets hung on every wall. Bluish flames crackled as they boil a huge cauldron full of green thick liquid. A sickly fume filled the entire house, fusing with the stench of death and decay. The hag was herself stranger than her home; dressed in clothes and thick shawls that would put a gypsy medium to shame; jeweled with emerald necklaces and amulets and earrings the size of palm. So what do you want little girl, the old woman asked.

I wish to become my sister, said the girl, to look like her.

I have just the thing you need but have you the price to pay?

I have gold, said the ugly sister.

What do I need gold for, stupid girl, said the hag. Have you had sex before, child?

Stunned, and slightly offended, the girl asked what the old woman meant.

I meant, are you a virgin, answered the hag. The ugly sister nodded; embarrassed. Good, uttered the old woman with a glimmer in her eyes, I need a tiny bottle of your blood. Desperate, the ugly sister agreed to the cost.

The old woman took her knife and sliced open the girl's tender virgin palm and collected the blood in a phial. To call the experience unpleasant was indeed an understatement. This had better be worth it, thought the girl.

After the ordeal, the hag gave her a bottle of what looked like vomit. It is a potion, said the old woman. Drink a portion of it with a bit of your sister, instructed the hag, a strand of hair would do nicely. But remember child, come midnight, the witching hour, Satan's hour, my magic is useless, for mine is not of the black magic. The effects of potion will wear off, warned the old woman. Now leave, I'm busy, yelled the hag. And the girl left.

That very night, the ugly sister took a strand of hair from her sister's hairbrush. She then drank a tiny portion of the potion with it. It tasted like vomit too, she thought. For a few seconds, nothing happened. The stupid old woman cheated me, the girl thought to herself.

Just as the thought came, it happened. It burned. Her skin burned. Her hands burned. Her feet burned. Her body burned. Her face burned. But most of all, her heart burned. However, her heart, it burned not because of the potion's effect. Instead, it burned because she realized that to be loved, or even anything remotely close to being loved, she had to be someone else, someone beautiful, someone like her sister, someone she was not. And that burned and hurt much more than any pain the potion could put her through.

Slowly, her skin melted into that of her sister. Her dark hair started to shine like the golden hair of her sister. The mirror showed her not her face anymore, but a mask, that of her sister. And so with haste, she donned her sister's garments, jewels, perfume, but most importantly, her sister's shoes; her own were far too big for her new, far daintier, feet. She was her sister now.

She then went to see the count's son. The lovesick youth was simply glad to see the divine image of the beautiful sister. They talked long. The ugly sister's love for the youth grew. Soon midnight neared and she had to leave.

Meet me again tomorrow night, requested the count's son. The girl agreed with a simple nod.

The next night, the ugly sister took the potion again and it burned her again. She then met him again that very night, and the night after that and the one after that. It went on for quite some time, remarkably, unnoticed. Even the beautiful sister noticed nothing of their trysts. The ugly sister's love for the count's son grew even more. They spoke of many things beneath the watchful eyes of the stars.

But one night, one fateful night, fate frowned upon the girl's actions. Why did they have to talk too long? Why did she not notice that midnight neared and came? Oh, but the ugly sister did realize it, only that it was a second after midnight then; it was too late. She felt it, like she did every night she took the potion, she felt herself changing back to her skin so familiar. She felt it, and she knew she had to leave.

She ran without a word, leaving the puzzled youth chasing her. She ran as fast as her sister's dress allowed her to. She even tripped and fell along the way and one of her sister's velvet slippers came off. She was forced to leave it behind. She did not care about it anyways; it was too uncomfortable to walk in, what more run, now that her feet were hers. They were just hindrances. She ran home as fast as she could.

Only in her own home, in her own room, in her own bed, in complete darkness, in her own body, did she finally breathe properly. She was alone and she could breathe properly then. I'm safe now, she breathed those words to herself, I'm safe.

The next day, the desperate youth visited the baron's house uninvited. He appeared with a velvet shoe in his hand. Shocked, the beautiful sister asked, what on earth is the meaning of this?

Here, in my hand is the slipper that caressed the dainty feet of the woman I love and I cannot live my life without her living it with me, spoke the youth. His voice rang through the halls of the baron's home. Without you, without love, there would be no life at all.

The beautiful sister was clearly moved for she teared at these words. Will you be my wife, my love, he then asked her.

And in a voice, gentler than a whisper and sweeter and more beautiful than a flute singing, she merely said yes; never had a single word been uttered more musically and its affect on the youth was extraordinary.

While the couple excitedly went to inform the baron and baroness, the ugly sister vanished silently into the kitchen, where she wept silently. Why the heck am I crying, she asked herself, he wasn't even in love with me, never mine to love.

She saw a dead wolf her father had just killed in his recent hunt. She saw it hanging on the kitchen wall among dead stags, deer, and foxes. Her heart whispered to her, you have to leave, escape, for I, your weeping heart can take the pain no longer. End it please. Yes, her heart told her that; it really did.

So she took out her potion and plucked a strand of the wolf's fur. She drank this new concoction. And the burning began yet again. Her lips grew into enormous jaws. Her hands distorted into massive paws. Her bones broke and twisted and contorted into a wild bestial form so strange. Her hair grew longer on her body until she was covered in sleek black fur. She even had a tail. She slipped off her dress. She was beautiful now.

She thought, I'll run away, somewhere far and when I return to my true form, I'll find someone who'll take me in and pity a helpless, naked and ugly girl. I'll start a new life now, she breathed.

Moving in her new form was easier than expected. She ran out of the kitchen. She had to find a way out. Her paws, she noticed, were not made for opening the front door.

It was then that she heard a scream; her sister's. She was screaming something about a wolf in the house. It must be magic or it wouldn't have been able to get in, she yelled, it must be a witch.

The ugly sister tried to calm her sibling down but only a deafening howl was produced. It only made her sister more terrified.

And so, with the love for his lover as his strength, the gallant of the beautiful sister grabbed one of the baron's hunting guns off the wall, to defend his hysterical maiden.

No it's me, the wolf howled. No. Stop.

One deafening shot reverberated through the house. And one painful howl accompanied it. One bullet to the heart of the animal ended everything. They were safe, they breathed to themselves, they were safe. The baron and the baroness, who were hiding and watching from behind the banister, were proud of their to-be-son-in-law's courage.

The entire family must have agreed with the beautiful sister's idea that the wolf was a witch, for they quickly burned the corpse afterwards. Maybe, they feared it might reanimate itself. But surely it could not.

Since the corpse was completely reduced to ashes long before midnight came, it never returned to its true form. So no one knew what happened to the ugly sister. Maybe she ran away, they thought. Why she did so, they never knew. However, like what we have already established at the very beginning of this tale, the family was fairly good at moving on. After just a day, it was as if they never had another daughter. The beautiful sister and the handsome count's son grew old together, happy, and had many children.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Midnight Phone Call

Midnight Phone Call

(dialing...)
(ringing...)

Uhm... Hello, God, you there?
Oh... Oh sorry...
Sorry Lucifer...
I must have dialed the wrong number...
Sorry.
Bye.

(dialing...)
(ringing...)

Uhm... Hello, God, is that you?
Uhm, God, sir... Ya, I need to speak to you about...
Yes... Yes, I know its late, but...
Yes... Yes, I know you're busy, but...
Yes... Yes, sir... Uhuh... Yes...
It's just that the pain, it's... I know but...
Yes... But... Yes I know you're testing us all but can you...
But... yes... I guess...
It's just that it's too much and... Uhuh... Yes...
Can you do anything to.... No? Oh... Okay...
Yes... I understand...
It wouldn't be fair to others but... Yes...
Sorry? What was that? You've gotta go? Now? Oh... Okay...
Okay then...
Bye, sir... Yes... Uhuh...
Yup, I will...Okay...
Bye.

(pause...)
(dialing...)
(ringing...)

Uhm... Hello? Yes...
Yes, Death, it's me...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Mirror Mirror

Have you ever watched a show on the television and thought how it seems so familiar somehow... How you seem to think "Hei! That's how I feel." or "I've been through that." It seems to somehow reflect your reality. Thus, it cannot be called the proverbial "portal to another world". Instead, it's a Mirror reflecting your own world. So, I wrote a poem that describes this... should we say... phenomenon.

Mirror Mirror

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall,
Through your cracked glass, I see me fall
Into abatement. But most of all,
I still remain in the Silenced Hall
Of Pain, still waiting for the call
From my Star. So let Death befall
Upon me now, to end it all.
O Great Mirror, Mirror on that Wall,
Show me Beauty, or nothing at all.

Monday, December 04, 2006

The Guardian of the Rose-Bush

A little story I wrote... inspired by Angela Carter's stories on wolves...

The Guardian of the Rose-Bush

Transylvanian nights are always the dwellings of shadows. When the pale moon decides to expose her full glory, the wall that divides man and beast gets torn down. What is man? What is beast?
Every village girl knows well enough than to venture deep into the forest when darkness reigns supreme; they know well enough then to trust a stranger in any guise. To the villagers, Satan is as real as any beast that dwells on Earth and that the night belongs to him and his children. Witches were not just stories, neither are vampires and werewolves. The villagers vulgarly worshipped the Holy Cross and the Madonna statue along with the garlic wreath and silver bullets, in hope of protection that is often non-existent.
An old woman with a black cat and a knack for herbal remedies would be hung or burnt the moment she stepped into the village. A man with nocturnal behaviors would be kept under watchful eyes and when any sheep were to die strange deaths, fingers would almost always point to him. Then he would be killed; a silver bullet to the head. Human oddities were treated with utmost distrust and fear. While beauty and light are worshiped by all.
In every village, there will always be a girl with the most exceptional beauty. She was always envied by the others. She will always be courted by the most dashing and handsome youth of the village. They will be worshipped in silent agreements by the rest of the village as the ideals. Yet ideals never existed.
One night, the young girl, with her blue teary eyes, was seen running straight into the forest; letting eternal darkness engulf her. No man would dare enter the devil's kingdom under the dim light of the moon, yet that was where she was heading. She only had her crimson cape to guard her from the cold and anything else that decided to harm her. She cried her dying heart to forget the sight of the handsome youth she loved copulating with another girl in a bestial frenzy; crying with demonic ecstasy to the night. She ran and ran; dropping shiny pebbles as she did so, so that she could find the path back later… that is if she wanted to return at all.
She ventured deeper than any man ever dared to even during the day. She ran as far as her weak legs could carry. She cast away all the foolish superstitions about the forest that her old grandmother had told her so often. She ran until she found a rose-bush.
It was growing in a little clearing, with the wild and untamed trees and vines protecting it from every side. Even in the darkness, she could see the vivid bloodred petals of the flowers. She could see it clearly as if her eyes were transformed by the night. Nothing was more beautiful. Nothing. She stepped forward; her hand outstretched. Of course she wanted one of them. Just one though; the most beautiful one. But just as her pale fingers touched one of their petals, something lunged at her.
She retreated the moment her mind processed what just happened; any slower and she would have her throat being torn out by the beast. Its eyes were that of Satan; with the heat of hellfire burning within it. Those eyes, they glow with brighter than the moon. A grown man, unarmed, would have died instantly looking into these eyes. Yet, the girl stared straight into it. The beast moved no closer to her. It merely circled the rose-bush as if guarding it; like a dragon guarding his treasure. It moved no closer. It merely watched her. She merely watched the wolf.
It was only when she realized that the reign of the sun was approaching that she garnered enough courage to run away, leaving the beast alone with his rose-bush. She followed her pebbled trail back not daring to pick them up. No one would even dare to take their own sweet time in the forest, even in daylight.
The beast had frightened her, yet, the creature's strange behavior intrigued her. So that very night she disappeared once again into the forest, looking for its weird inhabitant.
She found it of course.
Why didn't you kill me before, she had asked it, realizing how stupid she must look talking to an animal.
Yet the beast tilted its large head slightly, as if it understood her. As if it was listening. Realizing that the creature would not harm her, unless she touched the roses, she continued talking to it, telling it everything. She told it about her tragic love story. It watched and listened. She told it everything; even things she would never share with another human being, what more a beast. And it listened.
Before long, dawn came again. She had to return to the village soon. Just as she was about to leave, she felt a tug on her cape. It was the wolf tugging her with its massive jaws. But she was not afraid. The wolf retreated slowly to the rose-bush then circled it, like it did the first night but this time, it was not guarding, but inspecting.
There it was, the most beautiful, the reddest of the all the roses, and wolf plucked it with the gentleness of a babe with its jaws. It handed the flower to the girl who accepted it unquestioned. And then, she saw its eyes again, it still burned like fire yet there was sorrow and compassion, maybe even love, it them; they looked almost human. Then she left the beast once again again.
She took the flower home. The flower stood in her room, lone, singular, yet magnificent.
She returned every night. And every dawn she left. She told it more than she ever told anyone else until no one knew her better than the wolf. Yet during one visit, while she was engrossed in telling the beast her plight, the sun rose without her realizing it. And when she did notice the harsh light intruding into the blissful darkness, it was too late.
The black fur of the beast withdrew within itself to reveal skin as pale as alabaster. Its tail disappeared into it revealing fresh and youthful flesh. Its claws retracted and only tender, gentle hands were left behind. The jaws contracted while the head shrunk, leaving only a face of young man. And now, before her was no longer a beast but a naked man who. He's beautiful despite his sickly and pale skin, she thought. He rose up to his feet revealing his endowed pudenda.
Then, realization sunk into her rapidly. She had spent her nights with a man, not a beast, but a man. The horror overwhelmed her maiden body.
Stay back, she told him.
It's me, he said. I'm the wolf. I planted the rose-bush. I gave you the flower. And I love you, he said. But she had heard enough. Her honour is at stake here.
She ran back to her village with the agility of the wind; her untouched pebbled road as her guide. She needed to find help fast, but who? Afraid and confused, she asked for help from the dashing youth she had once loved, and still did. She told him everything. He still loved her, she realized.
With the fury of a lover, he garnered the force of the entire village to kill this beast. That night the men went into the forest like an ancient plague bent on destruction. They naively followed a single virginal girl with a red cape to lead them to the demon; guided by her pebbles. They entered the realm of darkness armed with torches, guns, silver bullets, superstitions and worthless religious symbols. How blinded they were.
She brought them to the rose-bush but the wolf was not there.
Come out you beast, she yelled to the forest. Spurred by emotions so wild she could not comprehend, she grabbed one of the torches and lit up the rose-bush before her.
The rich sanguine colour of the roses melted into the flames, forming a demonic hue. And there they were, those eyes; hiding behind the roses; lurking in the darkness. She could here the pain in its growl; she could here its pain.
Was it crying, she asked herself. Of course not. Its kind have no emotions.
With a swift movement of her virgin hands she ordered the men to fire. Her voice echoed like God's wrath and her eyes burned with a single emotion; hate. The thunderous sounds of guns filled the night until everything ended with a single pathetic cry. A single silver bullet to the heart of the beast did the job, well. It was quick and easy. But it wasn't painless. No, it sure hell wasn't.
There was no wolf anymore. All that was left behind was the naked corpse of a pale young man. And right before that corpse, the youth the girl loved, and still did, asked for her hand in marriage. And right before that corpse, she said yes.
They brought the naked body of the young man and hung in the village square, stoning it despite the fact that it was dead. The beast's corpse was stoned till the villagers got bored, then it was merely forgotten by everyone. The wilting rose that once stood in the girl's house was discarded and replaced by flowers her lover, her husband, offers her. And she lived happy until she died.