Possessed

Possessed

To SOME of the residents of the Damned Hundred Acre Woods:
Beware! Your Resident Rabbit Has Been Possessed!

He Says:
While I stare into the mirror mirror on that wall, With eyes tearing the Dead Sea, I found myself laughing. And in that moment I Saw a Demon staring through my eyes!

And it felt familiar!

It wants to hurt, to torture. YOU are smart, to hurt me when I'm most vunerable, just as I was opening up my soul. You struck me hard! Hurt me hard! Wounded me hard! Pain I don't think I've felt before. Now this Demon inflicts my body because of this and it want's blood! Your Blood! And in my voice it says:

I WILL HURT YOU LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT BEFORE!

WITH ALL THE KNOWLEDGE I'VE GAINED ABOUT YOU,

I CAN RUIN YOUR VERY EXISTANCE!

YOUR ONLY SANCTUARY WILL BE SUICIDE!

I WILL RIP YOUR PATHETIC LIVES APART,

DROWN THEM IN GASOLINE, THEN BURN THEM. THE FIRE...

WITH LIGHT FAR BRIGHTER THAN

HEAVEN...

WITH FLAMES FAR HOTTER THAN

HELL!

YOU WILL REGRET EVER KNOWING ME!

and then I say to you, my friends:

Stay away from this Rabbit until he is exorcised, or I might hurt you. Let me heal. Give me Time!

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock!

The Gift Of The Gap

The Gift Of The Gap

Yes...you read it correctly. And No, it isn't a spelling mistake. I did mean the wonderful Gift of the Gap...Not Gab! It's the ability and skill to keep one's mouth shut!

You see, I often see things in the perspective of a Pariah, an outcast. So my views often differ from others. And being a Pisces, I enjoy studying the human behavior. So, since I've lived most of my current life as a Fishy Outcast, I am able to understand people better. How arrogant this might sound, Huh? I learn that I can understand other's motivations, problems, emotions, needs, behavior, actions, pain, sorrow, love... I truly love psychology. I understand more about people that way.

But one problem. This scaly Mermouth of mine doesn't wish to shut! I found out recently that I can hurt people with what I tell them. I was also told by a little Pink Piggy (And I thank her for telling me that... before it's too late.) that my insightful words (There's that arrogance again! Ugh!) end up ringing in the heads of my listeners, haunting them, and hurting them. Tortured by the truth! I hate myself because of that! Now you know why I wish to learn how to shut up?! I don't want to hurt anyone with the things I know.

I think I've Angered and Vexed many with the my Piscean words, especially recently. I would like to really apologise for that.

What I fear more now, is that they might misunderstand me, especially since my babbling can be quite cryptic. And when that happens, I end up not only angering and hurting others......

They'll Hate Me!

A Wicked Witches Lament

A Wicked Witches Lament

I'm a cruel bastard! I poison people with the same venom that infected me. The utter atrocities I've done! Hurting others with them! I share my pain; it acts like a contagious plague, afflicting others as well! I don't even know what I want by doing this...Definitely not sympathy! Maybe understanding? But I fear being understood! Ahh! I don't know anymore!

What I know is that I'm selfish. I find other's happiness a mockery to my pain. Disgusting, huh? I'm so embarassed about it! I feel like those fairytale Wicked Witches who hurt others because they themselves have issues. Like Snow White's Mom who is insecure since her little daughter is prettier. Like the Insecure Fairy in Sleeping Beauty who decided to ruin the royal family just because she didn't get a freaking invitation. Like Cinderella's Stepmom who just feel that no one else should be happy since her life sucks!

But do you really blame them? For acting thus, out of insecurities caused by high expectationed societies? Also, in the end, they are punished with more horrid atrocities! Cinder-gal's Stepmom got shamed and abandoned. The fairy, well I think she died, right? Snow White's Mom, well... her daughter tricked her to come to a wedding party then make her dance on red hot iron shoes until she died. Now isn't little Snowy sweet....

These people are humans too aren't they? Were they supposed to torture themselves by hiding their pain? Or do what they did in those fairytales? Either ways, the Social system tells them to suffer! And I feel for them... I feel like them... I Understand Them!

To my victims, I'm so very sorry. I'm ashamed of my inability to hide my pain. I'll try to wear to a more Opaque Mask from now on, that even the witch's disguises seem amateurish!

Humanoid Metamorphosis

Humanoid Metamorphosis

I used to believe that humans’ most tragic flaw is our inability to change, I guess I was wrong. We Do Change!

I myself have become someone that I would not have known years back. Now I have this cruel need to aid others, fully aware that I would suffer in the end. I say things that I would normally keep inside for the sake of self-preservation. I say things that will allow people to discover the true me (Hei! this blog is a major example of this.) when I know fully well that my greatest fear is t be known. Just yesterday I did something that I would normally never do, something that many would perceive as a risk to one’s reputation, yet I went with it anyway. I might be becoming suicidal. Not in the literal sense but rather in a self-destruction kind of way. I guess Poe was right about his Imp of the Perverse!

In fact, I’m not the only one who is changing. Everyone...Family...Friends...Relatives...Everyone is undergoing this Humanoid Metamorphosis. I see
The Innocent becoming The Wise
The Naïve becoming The Manipulator
The Virgin Madonna becoming The Lady Marmalade
The Saint becoming The Sinner
The Angel becoming The Devil
The Meek becoming The Bold
The Lamb-protecting Lion becoming The Wooly-Babe-eating Carnivore!

Eve Has Finally Consumed The Blasted Apple Of Wisdom!

What I want to say in this entry is that I am changing. It is not comfortable. I do not know what its outcomes are. I am scared! Very Scared! Yet excited.

I AM NOT WHAT I AM!

Queens

Queens

I found Hope today! Like Aurora Borealis amongst the perpetual night sky!

Pure Light In An Abyss Of Eternal Darkness!

They are merely three beams of light. Not perfect but still Good! They are Queens in their own right! These entities were sent to me. The same way I received the divine gift; the society called family! (OHANA!)

These are all God sent beings! They subtly but surely let Hope seep into my Blackened Life!

Todays meeting with the Three made me realise that life is not as cruel. God is not that cruel! They (God And Life) both Hurt you and Heal you. I guess it is a Yin and Yang rule or something!

To the Three: You gave me more than I gave you! and for this The White Rabbit salutes and thanks Thee!

To: Ladies J, S & T

Land of Bleeding Hearts

Land of Bleeding Hearts

Lately, I've seen Hearts bleed! Mine bleeds with transparent blood.

Pain immortalised in simple smiles, drugged with self- mutilating words.

They try to lick their poisoned wounds yet more salt is smeared on instead!

Their Blood as red as thorned Roses but mine clear as Virgin tears. (The Madonna's silent tears)
Are theirs more painful? I shall not know.

An Outcast like me, a wandering Pariah, is never allowed to weep (BLEED) aloud!

What utter arrogance I have, huh? To write such a monstrous thing like this.

What Arrogance I have!

What Arrogance I have!

What Arrogance I have!

But one thing is for sure,

I'm a Nothing among the Bleeding Hearts!

Back Out That Cursed Glass

Ya,I'm back out that cursed looking glass.
Back from that twisted wonderland!

Okay, if I don't seem to make sense to some, what I mean is that I'm back from my choir's Europe trip.

The sceneries were speechlessly magnificent! I think even Red Queen would be jealous! And the food were so good they were sinful!

On top of that, we did good in the competetion. (even though we got no lego blocks for the finals)

As good as this Freezing Oasis sounds, its desert essence can still be felt!

Pain, agony, suffering!

People around me seem to be in perpetual pain, blinding me of mine. Friends lost, wounds carved on relationships. ( If any of you learnt anything from Lilo And Stitch, it has to be Ohana! It means Family and that no one is left behind or forgotten!)

People around me seem to be hurting each other. I tried to help them! It worked, I guess. things got better, I guess. They talked, they apologise. The stitching up began!

But one problem...... I'm not in the equation in the end! Left behind by those I needed to help. Oh God!How selfish am I Huh! I neededto be accepted! I'm such a selfish beast! I even cried in this bloody park when I saw a mermaid statue. The story of the little mermaid came to my mind. How she never quite fit in. How she saved people, sacrificed alot for others.
HOW SHE FREAKING COMMITTED SUICIDE FOR THE PERSON WHO DOESN'T EVEN LOVE HER!

Oh God! How bloody selfish am I!

Oh God! How bloody selfish am I!

Oh God! How bloody selfish am I!

That trip keeps reminding me that I should never help others! But then again, not all of them are like that huh? People crave for help silently and it's an Outcast like me that can hear these inaudible cries, since I have got no life of my own! How can I turn them down? How can anyone else for that matter, right?

So That's why its like wonderland! A beautiful land with Tainted hearts, Worthless Diamonds,
Back "clubbing" Clubs, Grave Burrying Spades! Time seems worthless and perpetually too late (I'm Late!I'm Late!) to patch realtionships up! Everything seems cruelly distorted! Thank God and Sadly I'm Out!

Back Out that Cursed Glass!

Through the looking Glass

Through The Looking Glass

I'm flying of to Vienna then Olomouc in a few hours.Half dreading. Half anticipating.

My last experience, going to Prague with my previous choir, showed one thing. The iron bird will bring you to wonderland! Not because of its beauty, but because of its system, or the lack there of. What I mean is that once we left our structured homes, things change. Clicks abandoned. Teenage hierarchy abolished. Relationships get warped. People who you don't expect to ever smile to each other seem to be spending every second of every minute together!

You are in wonderland Alice; abolish the systems that are familiar to you!

And get this, once you step back out through the warped looking glass.......When you return home... All things go back as they were! Back to the old routine. Back to the usual clicks. Back to the familiar hierarchy. Cruel but true. Of course to those on the top of this caste system will be pleased to be back on their self declared thrones. But to the Misunderstood, this is a cruel flip. From pauper to Sultan, then dragged back to be a pauper once more. Oh! The modern tale of Sultan Harun Al Rashid, from Arabian Nights. They are only allowed to think of what could be. Cruel bastards!

I guess when you are in an unfamiliar world; the unconventional structure is easily accepted. But when you are back to the familiar, to feel safe, you conform to the routine. Flaws of us humans, the inability to change! (or at least in a place we are familiar with)

I'm expecting this trip, now with a new choir, to suffer the similar fate. But I just hope not. Or at least, that the good changes would be permanent. We'll see.......

Through The Looking Glass.....

Week of Facades

Wierd. Everyone is hiding behind a facade lately!
Cynically and yet empathically, I discover that many around me wear this pantomime mask of hypocrisy! I love it! Haha! Beautiful!

I Am Not What I Am~ Iago

I Am Not What I Am!!!!!!

Modern Cinderella

I have a friend who seems to lead a cruel life. Where family is something not quite familiar. Her pain touched the deepest recesses of my heart. Cruelly, I found myself inspired by the tale of this forlorn child. So, I wrote a poem for her. May she find her Happiness one day soon.

The Modern Cinderella

Hear this girl's tale so sad but true
With tones and shades of sadistic hue
A modern take on the Cinder-girl
Dare you watch this tale unfurl?

Her mother was a hostess of fun
Well akin to the Courtesans
Through her life, she was drained of love
Even for the gift sent from above

Then there are the girl's sisters, as fair as snow
One was just beginning to glow
With attractive facades and beautiful eyes
Yet hearts that are frozen, as cold as ice

Then comes this girl, so bright and fair
Yet tainted life, her dreams not there
She fights for love, but sorrow returns
She yearns for compassion, but pain she learns

The closest to love was a human fairy
A grandmother, leading her through the story
A vague father guides her too
Yet, this little girl, still blue as blue

Will she soar to endless flight?
Will she win this horrid fight?

This tale of poisoned life and past
Endless misery, nothing just
A cruel family rules this tale
But like all fairytales, Good Will Prevail!

Pain

Many people around me seem to be in emotional pain. So this is to help them get through it.

Pain

An affliction with countless names:
Pain
Torture
Suffering
Hurt
Sting
Ache
Anguish
Grief
Agony

Deadly to any feeling mortal. No one seems to be spared from this mortal disease.

Everyone around me seems to be suffering from this malady. All with different causes. Yet, all with the same effect. When they tell me about their pain, about how they hurt, this cruel plague seems to spread to me. (It is highly contagious, this agony!) Thus, elevating my pain.

I cannot take this anymore! I can't suffer anymore! I can't watch others suffer as well! My eyes will make sure that infection will spread to me! Ah! Die, you cancerous tumor!

This parasite feeds of your energy.
Draining you. Crushing your weak heart with a ton of pressure!

Why?! Why must it be so? I Ask myself (and any form of higher power) a million times.

The answer's simple. (So, we just have cruelly to bear with it):

Pain reminds us that we are alive!

Exhaustion

Exhaustion

Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!

I'm drained of life, now merely a living carcass, without the presence of life at all! Everything from the choir to my art! Life sucking intangible Lamias!

My eyes wish to shut! But circumstances hinder it. Oooh! How I wish to have Snow White's apple or Sleeping Beauty's spinning wheel. At least, no one can blame me for falling asleep for eternity.

Even time is the toy of this exhaustion. It moves fast, then slow, then fast, then slow, then………………..
Even the White Rabbit with his rustic pocket watch is better off than me. "I'm Late, I'm late………………..."
Night feels like Darkened Days, where slumber seems impossible!
Day feels like Bright Night, where the body yearns to rest but the sun allows it not!
I'm like a nocturnal being trapped in a limbo of human life!

A Vampiric creature living a mortal tale!

Ah!!!!!!!!!!!

Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!
Exhaustion!

The Transformation

The transformation

I've just witnessed one of the most beautiful transformations ever this week! The Metamorphosis of Innocence! An evolution unlike the mutation in the X-Men, but just as fascinating.

A friend of mine, who many often perceive as innocent and naïve, is now becoming more aware about human nature. She is starting to understand human Behavior, a rare wisdom I cherish!

It's as if this Little Red Riding Hood had uncloaked herself revealing her wolfish fur!
Hurt this seemingly naïve lass and get clawed to death!

If she were to further hone this skill, she can master the art of manipulation unlike any has ever seen, especially behind that innocent façade! (I have always been interested in the art of manipulation) However, knowing her and her naturally good-natured heart, this is very unlikely.

Still, what a beautiful Transformation!
A White Wolf!

Friendship Lost

This past few weeks, I've witnessed the most heart wrenching thing. A friend of mine seems to think that she is slowly but surely losing a friend so dear to her. She had made limitless efforts to salvage the decaying companionship, but it seems, with no avail. I wrote a little something to remind her to continue to rage against the circumstances that hinder this friendship. Do not give up! Not yet at least.

Friendship lost

This cruel phenomenon is far greater than any separation ever suffered by the Pangaea

Not a soul should ever be allowed to suffer this horrid and twisted joke of nature.
Pain unimaginable waits behind the gates of Severance.

For those who are still traveling towards these wretched gates, Turn Back!
Embrace Thy (Former) Companion!

No one should have to see what those Gates of Hades can offer.
Your only weapons are Time and Love. (Corny but true)

If you have traveled beyond those damned gates thousands of times, as I have, you will leave the loving Summer of Companionship,
Into the frigid Winter of Isolation,
As inviting as Hell itself!


Dare You Venture?

Facades

My little 'diary', named ' a Sinner's Mirage' is starting to decay and so I decided to go high tech and follow this evolutionary route of the homo sapiens. Unlike a diary, it is actually where I keep mini philosopical thesis. So now it has gone online! One of my favourite is about facades, so here it is.

Façade

Everywhere I go, being a Pisces, I love analyzing people. One thing that I I notice for sure is that facades are common things.(like Duh!)

Only the outright naïve dons not this mask of utter hypocrisy. I myself am guilty of this natural embellishment of emotions and character. And I'm possibly among the worst, among the ranks of the great Iago.

"I am Not What I Am" ~Iago

Façade is the poison fruit. Beautiful, intoxicating, tender, deadly, succulent, cancerous and comforting. ( Its attractive complexity astounds me!) One gets to drug his pain and emotions to attain a feeling of ecstasy, bliss!
(Invulnerability!)

The thing you have to understand about Façade is that it allows you to shell yourself completely from the touch of others. You are untouchable! POWERFUL! No kryptonite can harm you. Or so you (have to) believe.

But you continue to consume this Poison Fruit; you finish it, you will die! The locked emotions will fill your soul like how hot air fills up a balloon, constantly expanding, perpetually expanding, waiting to burst. (it usually does!) It will not be the microscopic bubble gum pop, but rather, an explosion of cataclysmic proportion! It will soon affect your entire life and everything else around you.

~ Total Pandemonium!

Perverse as it sounds; I care not about that Apocalypse of the Soul! The comfort of the poison numbs pain, like Snow Whites blissful slumber. A freedom from this venom is hard. It takes courage of unimaginable proportion to kick this addiction. And when you do, what happens then?
When you husk that pantomime mask, revealing raw skin in its truest essence, can other Homo Sapiens stand seeing that naked you, (Now t he X-Men comes to mind), will they flee?

Does this Emotional Liberation lead to Physical Isolation?