Words Of My Heart

Words Of My Heart

Okay...
I know people often tell me that if I utter the Words of My Heart...
They say that I will be liberated...

The Liberation...
The Freedom...
The Satisfaction of Knowing that others Know your emotions...
The Lightness of the lessening of Burden afterwards...
The Ecstasy of feeling Loved...

ALL CRAP!!!

I am still in the same part of this freaking Abyss, if not Lower!

I'm sorry to all the non-cynics in this world...

But in my case...

All this is true...

I'm Sorry...

So Sorry...

I'm Sorry...

It's Like this...

The Pendulum

The Pendulum

Swing...

Swing...

Swing...

Swing...

From

Utter Ecstasy

To

Absolute Pain

My Heart oscillates like the Pendulum!

Bipolar shifts!

Like a Clock, just waiting...

maybe for the pain...

maybe for the ecstasy...

Tick...

Tock...

Tick...

Tock...

My Tragic Flaw

My Tragic Flaw

I guess I've always known my Tragic Flaw...
The thing is...
I don't ever want to face...
Change it...
Fix it...

It is my ability to make everyone around me flee from yours truly...

I seem to possess the Ten Pestilence and Plagues of Egypt within me!

My arrogance forces me to try to help others in need in a desperate attempt to prevent this Routine Tragedy to recur...

But it always does...

People will leave me...

No doubt about it...

Then, my Body would feel the pain from this emotional self-mortification!

When I meet my Creator, I will be questioned...

(In my voice, ironically...)

Why on earth did I do all those atrocities???

I'll reply that I was merely attempting to help others...

(Hear that? The arrogance...undeniable!)

Who am I, the Divine being will ask, to decide

Who needs Help?

When they need Help?

Did they even ask for Help?

(I'm just a self-righteous, damned mortal!)

And all I can reply is... But... But... But...

Then... I will realise that the almighty is in fact merciful!

I will realise the reason why I go trough all this Pain in life!

It is just an appetiser for what's ahead for me...

My Destiny...

My Fate...

He wishes to prepare me for My Future...

For HELL.

I will then be Drowned and Melted in the lava of Lucifer's Kingdom...

That is My Story...
The Rabbit's Tale...
The White Tragedy...

Haunting and Possession

Haunting and Possession

To Be or Not To Be...

That is the Question...

I know that the context is different but the words fit...

It's as if there's this Demonic yet Enticing being within me...

Should I embrace it...
Let it Possess me...
Control my every action until I evolve into this creature that is so unlike me...
While my former soul watch what it does with my body from a great distance, within the abyss of my being...

Or should I run away from it...
Try to escape...
While it tails me constantly...
Just there...
Waiting...
Buying its time...
Just Haunting me...

It is Cruel in Nature yet

Comfortable...

Satisfying...

To Be or Not To Be

This creature...

To let it Haunt or Possess me!

The Clay

The Clay

I am made of Clay

Thus, let me choose my form...

Everywhere I go...
Everything I do...
Every choice I make...
Every word I utter...
Eyes tail me!
Lips scar me!
Let me choose My Path...
You damned beings...
With your selfish and stereotypical
Reasons and Views!

Though I serve as the White Rabbit,

I still (wish to) choose my Destiny,

My Wretched Form!

Let me mold my freaking self!

Even if it hurts to watch my person evolve!

For now, I am like a whore,

different in duty yet similar in nature,

I am made to be what you

Egoistic and selfish Mortals want me to be!

Your Satisfaction and Pride in me is my

Supposed Reward!

Don't make me go
against you
just for the sake of going
against you!

I am made of Clay

(Clay with a brain!)
Thus, let me choose my form!!!

Clarity

Clarity

Nothing seems Clear anymore...

Blur...

Vague...

Hazy...

Distorted...

Dark...

It's as if a large Raven taunts me...

Its black wings softly beat against my face...

I can't see a thing anymore...

Understanding... Reasoning... Answers...

Those are impossibilities right now...

I cannot even see the workings of my own Heart!

What more others'!

Topsy Turvy! Insane! Wild!

O great Raven!

I so wish for you to take me away!

To a place where I don't have to worry about Understanding!

Where I don't have to search for Answers!

A land ungoverned by reason!

Where there's no Clarity!

Is that place...

Dream or Death?

The Words Of Iago

The Words Of Iago

Iago:

...I will wear my Heart upon my Sleeve

For Daws to Peck at.

I am not what I am....

~Othello by William Shakespeare

Kill the Beast

Kill the Beast

Jekyll to Hyde...

Imperfection to Utter Ugliness...

I've lost control of my transformation...
The more I Change...
The more Destruction I cause...
The more Pain I bring...
The more Anguish I feel...

I'm a Beast Incarnate....

A monster from Lucifer's Kingdom...

Perverse in Nature...

Yet I so wish to don a Halo...

I actually wished for people to Kill That Beast...

But it seems that the mercy killing has already begun,

without me needing to beg them...

Insults...

Accusations of Atrocities I didn't commit...

(I must sound so arrogant!)...

Isolation...

They chose wonderful weapons....

They chose Poisonous Hell...

Thank You...

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror on the Wall...

Who's the fairest of them All...

My reflection says:

I don't know about fair or ugly but I don't like what I see...

I'm Changing!
A Metamorphosis I've never felt before!
I'm scared yet excited!
The idea of doing something tabooed...
doing something against what our self-righteous society deems as norm...
doing something simply not me...
it satisfies me emotionally like
an Intoxicating Drug!

I'm not sure whether I like what I'm becoming...

Neither can I say I hate it...

It doesn't mean that when Jekyll saw Hyde in his mirror,

he'll stop the whole transformation process...

A part of him welcomes it...

enjoys it...

I'm starting to do things on Impulse...
Suddenly acting, unbridled by my Conscience...
But then Again, when your Body starts to do things on Impulse and its own Instinct,
that's when you are most true...
The Real You...

Mirror Mirror, hear my Cry...

Who the Bloody Heck am I...

My reflection says:

I am not what I am...

A New Cycle

A New Cycle

I need to Cleanse my Spirit...
Atone for my Sins...

I need to achieve Tranquility...

(not exactly Peace, but Tranquility)

A state of possibility...

A fertile state for the evolution of the soul...

A state of purity

Tabula Rasa...

Only then can I do my Job well...
I would have to go through the agonising process once again...
Face the pain once again... in the future...

Only then can the New Cycle

Begin...

Numb

Numb

I think I've become Numb to the Touch of Comfort...
Or is there absolutely nothing to feel in the first place...

So many people around...

So many comforting hands caressing me...

Yet some of them feel like claws dragging me through the Seven Hells!

Never have I felt so

Alone...

The Broken Pocket Watch

The Broken Pocket Watch

The White Rabbit's Pocket Watch Is Broken!

He can't tell between Day and Night!

Both wake him to weep!

The concrete reality of his Life and Duty has started to lose its momentum.

The Ticking and Tocking is all screwed up!

He wishes so much to help all the helpless souls he meets...

All the Lost Alices...

It is his job isn't it?

He just needs to find a proper watch...
Set his pace again...
Then he will do all he can to help those with silent pleas...
He will even sacrifice his life to try to help others...
The white rabbit will attempt to set the World in Motion once again...
not only will it spin...
this rodent attempts to cradle it...
rock it...
he will attempt to do miracles with his tainted little paws...
In the Cleansed Iago's name...

Give him Time!

A Working Watch!

P.S. The White Rabbit is glad to be of service... and will continue to serve...